So I Did This Thing

Where I was a super douche to my family on Saturday. I don't know why. We were all at a dealership helping my brother buy his new car. We stayed there for almost four hours, so maybe that was it. I got absolutely nothing done that I wanted to, and I was hot and irritable most of the day. Then my brother and I got into a fight about the Marine. It was mostly my fault, and I apologized, but he didn't. I've learned that I just can't talk to him about the Marine. I used to go to a friend of mine and use him as a sounding board. He helped me organize all my thoughts, which I then took to my brother in an effort to keep him from becoming frustrated with me. When I told this to my brother he seemed to get upset with me, like he felt sad that I wanted to talk to someone else before I talked to him. But when I tried that on Saturday we fought. So I'm just going to go to someone else with my ramblings about the Marine. It will be better for everyone, I think.

Anyway, the Marine and I had a fun, flirty text conversation Saturday night. It was really sad, because I took flirting tips from Steven's 19-year-old girlfriend. Granted, she has had many more boyfriends than I, but it just felt weird to me. So we're sitting in a restaurant eating mini twice baked potatoes, and she's feeding me all these sugary lines to text the Marine. I felt like vomiting because of all the cute. I don't really do cute. I'm straightforward, to the point, and have never caught a boyfriend that way. Lo and behold, the cutesy shit actually worked. The Marine kept responding, even flirting back. It was quite interesting, because I've never flirted successfully with anyone. He was drunk, so I'm not sure if that had any effect on his flirting with me. Perhaps his inhibitions were lowered because of the alcohol and he didn't see the harm in flirting with someone, even if he didn't really find that person attractive.

He calls me sweetheart; did I mention that? It's a problem for me, because that's THE name I want my boyfriends to call me. I've never told anyone that, and he's not doing it to light me up. It's part of his culture, I think. Either way, I get tingly whenever he calls me that. He hasn't actually said it to my face though. I can't imagine how I'd react if he ever did, let alone if he flirted with me while sober. I'd probably melt into a puddle of sexual frustration because I refuse to forfeit my morals and have sex with him without dating him. This moral compass is a serious cock block.

Anyway, my point is the Marine is a really sweet, attractive guy that I kind of want to kiss all the time. It's problematic because I'm getting all these mixed signals. He's into me, then he brings a girl to our get togethers. He flirts with that girl, but simultaneously cock blocks the boy I'm flirting with. Now he's flirting with me, but I don't know if he's just responding to my flirting to be polite. I've been assured by many that boys don't do that, but I'm not sure. Maybe there are some that just want to let girls like me down gently.

Also, the Marine apparently likes really skinny girls. I'll never be an underwear model, but I could stand to lose some (a lot) of weight. I went walking/running today using that Zombies! Run app. It was really interactive, and gave me that extra thing I needed to take my mind off everything except working out. After I completed my mission, I spent some quality time in my hot tub. After I got out I showered and changed into my comfiest jammies. I feel happier, almost definitely because of the endorphins. You know, I was working out for a few weeks, then I stopped for some reason. It's good to start up again. I can already feel my confidence level rising a little. And once I lose a substantial amount of weight I might finally get that date I've been angling for.

Well I'm going to bed because I'm TIRED. Mentally and physically, I think.

Ta, loves.