I Promised A Longer Post, So...

I'm here to fulfill my promise!

So, we're all good. We went suit shopping and Dylan found his suit. I already have my dress. It's a deep pinkish red, like a coral color. It has a chest decoration, which I have fondly renamed boob art, that looks like an angry tribal man, and I'm wearing sandals that my mother says make me look like a peasant woman. I'm partial to quirky peasant women and their style though, so I'm not mad about it. We're going to a wedding on Saturday. One of Dylan's high school friends is getting married and I'm his plus one. I do enjoy weddings, though this is only my fourth one. Over the next two years, however, three of my family members are getting married, so I think I'll get my fill of them.

Last Thursday was a lot of fun, surprisingly. As some of you might know, last Thursday I went out with some friends to a karaoke bar that I've grown less fond of every time I go there. It was another birthday type thing for Steven's girlfriend, so I was obligated to go. I actually met a new friend! He's a work buddy of the GF, and I was warned that he was a little weird. I didn't think he was though. He may have been scared by my personality though. I don't think I made a very good impression, which saddens me. I was hoping to make more of a connection. So I call him a friend but, really, that might just be an immature phrasing for our established connection. Maybe we're just acquaintances, or one time conversationalists. We had some pretty good conversations though. I wouldn't be opposed to more conversation opportunities with him.

Anyway! He was cool. I was a little confused by some of the actions of the other party guests though. Like the fact that a certain person kept looking at me and inserting himself in the conversation between me and my new conversation partner. Also the looks he kept giving me while we were at the bar. Like, it was a look a few shades darker that polite interest. He definitely wanted to do or say something, but he didn't. He just turned to his guest and talked to her. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. It's quite possible that's what's going on, given my propensity to make mountains out of molehills. True politeness is so rare in this society that some people mistake it for flirting. We've been trained to believe that no one will be polite to us unless they are inferior to us in some way, usually by being younger than us, or they like us in a more than friendly manner. True gentlemen are few and far between, I'm afraid. So it's possible this dude was only being polite and trying to circulate through everyone, giving them all equal attention.

Overall, the party was a success. The weirdness came after the party was over. I think I did something to piss everyone off, which is quite possible. If so, I'm surprised it's only just happened. Everyone's been ignoring me or sending vaguely bitchy text messages. I didn't feel well on Friday, and turned in super early. I'm talking around 8:30 or 9:00. But the GF wanted to hand out and I didn't feel up to it so I told her so. Apparently she'd had a really crappy day and wanted to talk it out, and my refusing her was just another steaming pile of bullshit. So I think she's upset with me. It doesn't help matters that the only other time she's talked to me is today, after I told her I'd been in an accident. You're kind of obligated to talk to someone when they've been in an accident, let's be real. If someone tells you they've been in a car accident and you don't respond you're kind of a raging douchebag. So that's the weirdness.

In other news, tomorrow I'm taking my last test for teacher certification. If I pass it I'll officially be licensed to teach! Also, my neck is killing me. It's gotten worse over the course of the day. It's understandable, considering I bore the brunt of the force of impact. So I'm going to the doctor for it tomorrow, and we'll see how it all goes. I'm going to go to sleep now. I have a big test tomorrow, after all.

Goodnight!

My Neck Hurts For Two Reasons

One, because I slept on it strangely last night and now there's a crick in it.

Two, because I just got into a car accident with my brothers. And by that I mean I was in the car with them and someone hit us from behind. I was in the backseat, so I got glass all over me. And I mean all over. It was in my underwear, all down my pants legs, in my hair, and a few shards got embedded in my arm. I'm not bleeding, they're just little fragments that I keep finding and pulling out of my skin.

We're all okay. I should have said that earlier. I guess the biggest concern is me because I was the closest to the impact. The door on my side even buckled, so I had to climb out the other door. I'm in shock a little, and I'm sure the crying and shaking will come later. But for now I'm fine.

We still have to go shopping for a suit, which I will explain later. But right now I'm going to check on my brothers and we're going to go eat a shit ton of food, because surviving a car crash apparently makes up hungry as fuck.

I just had to blog about it. It seems that blogging calms me down and helps me process things. And for all of you who are out there reading...thanks. It's nice to know someone cares, even if I've never met any of you.

Kisses, friends.

I Guess I'm In A Mood

I've blogged for three days in a row. Three. That never happens to me, ever.

I guess I just don't want to let y'all down. Or I just want to talk and this is a good way to get it all out. So one of my friends told me I was boring, right? She said that I'm a "safe" option for most men, which is a fancy term for boring, as it turns out. She said that I won't attract the attention of any man because I'm too inexperienced and don't have a lot of fun.

First, fuck you. Second, you don't know me. You don't get to tell me what I am and am not. Unless you yourself have a crush on me, there is no possible way for you to size me up because you don't think that way. And I SWEAR TO GOD if you tell me that you don't "swing that way" one more time I'm going to punch you in the face. I don't have a crush on you. Ew. Quite honestly, your douche bag boyfriend has a better chance getting into my pants. And he's not even on the list.

And I reject the belief that I won't find an attractive, caring man unless I whore myself out to the first guy who looks twice. I will find a man who likes me for me and is also willing to wait until I'm ready to be physically intimate. I'm not saying wait until marriage; just wait until I'm ready. There's a guy out there who's like this. And I'm going to find him.

Also, my suspicions about the Marine's outlook toward relationships right now were correct. He's looking for a vagina to stick it in, not a girlfriend. So I wish him all the luck in the world. May he receive as much ass as he can handle, and may he grow tired of one night stands and look my way when he wants something a little more serious. If not, it's his loss.

It seems that I get tired when I blog. Maybe that's why I've been blogging so much. I'm tired at the end of each post and just snuggle up in bed and pass out after I hit the publish button. Anyway, I'm really upset that this friend, if I can even call her that, thinks I'm boring. My brother is ready to punch her for being rude to me, and he likes to make fun of her trying to give me advice. He said that changing the way I act will attract men like this friend dates, and I'm seriously better off without all the extra attention if that's all I'm going to get. He says I'm better than anyone I've ever met, especially this friend and her boyfriend, and I deserve better than what this backwoods area of Texas can give me. He's sweet.

Also, I've been invited to sing at Carnegie Hall for Memorial Day Weekend 2014. Yes, THE Carnegie Hall. I think I'm going to do it. It's not something I'll get invited to do again, I'm sure. Plus, NYC is one of my secret loves. I'm getting excited just thinking about it.

Okay, I'm going to bed before I work myself up and can't sleep. I have a birthday celebration to go to tomorrow. It's one of those all day things, and the Marine could very well be there for part of it. So I need to be coherent enough to remember what I do to embarrass myself and report it all to you for your enjoyment, my dear readers.

Kisses!

In My Haste To Assure Myself Of My Hotness...

I forgot to mention how Saturday went. Or what Saturday was, actually. I forgot to mention a lot of things, it seems. So here goes. And it's pretty stupid on my part, so prepare yourself.

So Steven has a new girlfriend. Steven, of course, is the guy I talked about a lot in the beginning of the blog posts. So Steven has a new lady friend. She's pretty cool, considering that she's only just 19. Turned 19 on Monday, actually. Saturday was kind of her birthday thing. Anyway, she was supposed to come over with Steven, her friend, Steven's friend, and the newly retired Marine I keep talking about that just happens to be Steven's best friend since he was in the second grade, apparently. Now, most people would be smart enough to stay away from friends of former crushes but I, being so smart, looked over that little rule. Steven called me and asked if the Marine could invite a lady friend of his own. Ooh. A snag in the plans! Because you know how I feel about the Marine, or how I'm trying to not feel. Trying to be his friend first, and all that. That's working out well so far.

I got off task. So now the Marine wants to bring a friend. I'm not stupid enough to pass this off. I know this is a person of interest for the Marine. So I say yes because, hello, friends first (which was super hard, let me tell you. I was super pissed that God called my bluff and threw in someone new). They are an hour late, so I leave my hot tub on for an hour longer than I should have. But they get to my house and we start partying accordingly. It's super low key all night. The Marine entertains me with all his talk of the service, and the Marine's friend talks about her stint in the army. It's all good.

Until Steven's girlfriend gets upset because she wants to go home and she doesn't feel good, but Steven is having too much fun to notice, and the GF doesn't want to take him away from his friends. But she gets categorically madder with every laugh and smile Steven lets loose. Soon she's crying and refusing to talk to him, but making a scene. So I comfort her as best I can, effectively becoming a third party observer. Which I love, because it always works out fine for me. So I spend the rest of the night keeping the GF company and alienating myself from the rest of the group. Which is a problem, because the Marine is in the hot tub with Steven and everyone else and I just want to be part of the fun, but the GF is refusing to partake in the fun.

Eventually she gets so worked up she asks my brother to take her home. So she tells Steven she's leaving. He gets upset because this is the first time he's heard she wants to leave. And he should have been paying attention to her, yes, but she removed herself from the main action in an effort to get him to chase her. That obviously didn't happen. So now he knows she's upset, and he gets out of the hot tub and goes to talk to her. My brother has officially had enough of her shit, so he goes inside and asks me to tell him if the GF needs him to take her home. She and Steven talk for damn near 20 minutes, and when they come back into the backyard she's all smiles and hugs and a complete 180 from earlier. Did I mention she was 19, and prone to dramatic teenage mood swings?

While they are having their talk, the Marine asks me if everything's okay. It's kind of assumed at this point that we're the liaisons for our respective people. He can tell something's up and he gives zero fucks, kind of like me at this point. After the lovebirds return to the hot tub, the party comes to an end. It's midnight, so it's been a good six hours since they all first arrived. They all help me clean up, then go their merry ways and promise to come back and do this again. I message the Marine and give him my phone number along with an open invitation to come back with his family any time, because that's what pools are for. He says thank you and promises to take me up on the offer when sumer officially starts.

Now the whole night the Marine was a perfect gentleman, introducing himself to my mother and brothers with handshakes, being an amiable bartender and a great conversationalist. We kept making eye contact all night. It was a little awkward and a little cute that it happened so often. I mean, I caught him, he caught me, we looked at the same time. It was fun. But I also know that he wants to put his dick wherever he can, and I'm sure he's noticed that I'm a relationship kind of girl. So nothing came of that mess. I was so afraid of being caught out by him, Steven, the GF, or any other person there. Apparently I was good, and no one noticed anything out of the ordinary. Which is good, because I was trying really hard to ignore him at some points.

So the important parts of the story that you need to remember are that I'm trying and kind of failing to keep the relationship between the Marine and I strictly friends with no pesky feelings in between, getting annoyed by the GF and her immaturity, and realizing that maybe I'm not what the Marine wants in a woman.

I refer to him as the Marine, because even though I've asked for comments and such, no one has commented! So I don't know who's reading this and I don't want to name names. Looking back on Saturday, I guess it wasn't as bad as I initially thought it was. It could have been better, but it was an overall good night. I just got really tired of the drama and all the bullshit it entailed. Hopefully the next time we all meet it won't be as full of potential to turn into a shit storm.

Well it's late, and though I have more to write I will save it for another blog post. Maybe by the time I blog again I'll have seen the Marine and will have another embarrassing story to tell.

Ciao, darlings!

Doing Something Stupid

I'm thinking about doing something stupid.

I'm thinking about going to the shop where I got my oil changed and asking one of the workers there out. He tried to hit on me when I was there with my father, but I was reading this really good book, so...

Anyway, when my dad went back there to get my brother's oil changed, they talked about me. The guy said my dad looked familiar, and my dad said something along the lines of, "Yeah, I was here with my daughter a few days ago." So the dude was all, "Oh yeah, I remember her. I don't remember many people, but I remember her." And when my dad came home, he told me the story.

So this guy apparently thinks I'm hot shit, and considering my fiasco on Saturday I think it merits some consideration. That's not to say that this isn't a stupid idea. I'm feeling a little stupid from Saturday, and I want to make that feeling go away. I was also told that I was boring. Too boring for this guy I've been kind of harboring a thing for because, at 23, I've never had sex with a guy or gone to a club or watched the stars or had a threesome, or any number of other things. That offended me more than I'm willing to admit to anywhere other than this blog, where no one can see my face.

I don't support the supposition that I'm too boring because I'm not especially promiscuous. That's actually offensive to me as a woman and as a femininst. I shouldn't have to use my body to attract men, and the belief that I will be unfit to date a good man until I "let my hair loose" and sleep with one makes me nauseous.

So I think I'm going to do something stupid.

I Don't Have A Clever Title

I really don't, you know. I don't know why I thought I needed to write this. I've been watching this show all day, called Revenge. Some of you may have heard of it. The basic gist is this: poor little girl is taken away from her father because his closest friends do some bad things and blame it on him. Fast forward fifteen years, and the poor little girl is back, but this time she's here to make those guilty people pay by ruining their lives. Complications ensue, and the drama ratchets out of control. At least that's where I am right now. Anyway, the point is I've been watching this show all day and it's made me think of all the things I've done in the name of revenge. How they never made me feel better, even if they wound up working. Because the funny thing about revenge is it never goes the way you plan for it to.

So I couldn't sleep and I felt like blogging. It's weird that people actually read this blog, you know. At least 10 people out there read this, and none of you have tried to contact me or write a comment. I hope none of you get on this blog and laugh at what I write. If you do, I hope I made your day better. If you don't laugh at my ramblings, maybe you could tell me why you read this blog? I'd really appreciate it.

Alright then. So I went to a bar last night. It was kind of the last straw for lots of things. I've discovered that in an effort to seem appealing to a boy, I've lost a lot of my identity. I tried to be something I wasn't, and I realized in the end that it's way too early for me to be working myself up into a lather over a dude. So I took my life back last night. Basically told everyone who thought they could interfere with my love life to fuck off, politely of course, and moved on. It's liberating, to say the least. Now I can just focus on being me. And let's be real. I think this dude's attractive as fuck, but he JUST got off active duty. If I was a newly released Marine, I'd be trying to stick my dick in any orifice I found appealing. So there's no point in trying to pursue that.

I've also been struggling with my self image. I call myself fat and, you know, I am fat. But I like the way I look. And I don't want to keep trying to fit myself into a mould I wasn't made for. I'm never going to be skinny, and that's okay. If anyone has a problem with the way I look, especially a man, they probably couldn't handle me anyway. I'm just saying. That's a new thing I've been trying to work on as well. Making myself feel good and not caring what anyone else says. Day one has gone well so far.

This is a short ass blog post. I'm sorry it's not up to my usual standards. I'm actually really fucking tired and trying to finish this up before I pass out on my keyboard. I'll blog soon, and it'll be better than this, I promise. To recap, I'd really like it if you, my readers, would comment or talk to me. It would be nice to know that at least one of you isn't a robot. Revenge is never a good idea. Not ever. I've grown a backbone and I'm going to use it.

Well I can barely keep my eyes open, so I'm off to bed. I promise I will write a better blog post later. Until then,

Bye loves!

A Blogging Frenzy!

It appears I've decided to blog more in the past few weeks than I have in months. I'm sure none of you are upset. After all, what's another chance to laugh at my stupidity and ramblings, right? I mean, if I'm going to put it all out there I'd better be prepared for the possibility that many of you are reading this to feel better about yourself. I'm okay with that though. God knows I want someone to feel better.

So I've been thinking about starting a vlog of sorts, just me talking about whatever and maybe singing a few songs. I don't want anyone to know what I look like though. If there are any of you reading this that don't actually know who I am, that is. I'm at a dilemma, therefore. To vlog, or not to vlog? Anyway, I'll let you know what I decide.

I had a lovely time at the park today. My niece didn't recognize me and I scared her, I think because of my height. But I'm hoping to keep contact with them this time, so she'll get used to me and maybe even come to like me. As a side note, I've been bugging my cousin's husband to see his badge since they started dating in 1996 and I found out he was a police officer. Today, 17 years later, I finally saw the damn thing. It was every bit as awesome as I thought it would be. Now I just need to see his gun and my dreams will be fulfilled. I've never actually seen a gun in real life, fun fact. I'm curious as to what they look like. I don't want to touch it though. I'm sure it's illegal anyway, touching his weapon, but I've got an aversion to firearms so that won't be a problem.

Enough about that! I've got one more day of observation before I'm officially done with college and I'll graduate at the end of April. They'll send me my degree and everything. I'm so so very excited to be done. I'm scheduled to observe tomorrow, so I need to get a good night's sleep. I'll be signing off here in a moment.

My Marine friend is coming home as I type. He's scheduled to be here on Tuesday. Apparently he's taking a leisurely drive down from California. I would too, if I was him. I'm equal parts excited and terrified. I guess here shortly I'll know what our fate shall be. Wow that was dramatic. I'm going to bed.

Farewell, sweet readers!

Tomorrow I'm Going To Meet Up With Family!

I'm really excited about it because I haven't seen these people in like almost a year. We usually get together at Christmas, but this year my Mom didn't talk to them and they didn't talk to us and apparently  there's a bit of pride between my Aunt and my Mom so neither one of them breached the gap. So we didn't get to see them for Christmas. And I'm still mad about it because it was absolute bullshit.

But I've already decided that if it looks like it's going to happen next year, I'm going to contact my aunt and set it all up, my Mom's pride be damned.

Anyway, I'm going to a softball tournament tomorrow and they'll be at the park too! So I'm planning a reunion of sorts. I'm super excited to see them all again, because I want them in my life and in my future children's lives. They aren't blood related, but I think that makes them all the more family because we chose them.

Just wanted to share that, because it made my day. Well, that and the fact that I spent all evening with my transgendered sister, so my younger brother, and we went to Steak and Shake and talked and had a grand ol' time. So today was a good day.

Off to bed! I have to teach junior high children and praise Jesus tomorrow.

Later, my sweet readers!