Everything's Going...Well

It's.

It's strange, is what it is. I can't remember the last time I had such a good few days. First, I had a good time at the March Presbytery meeting. I learned a lot, and discovered new connections everywhere.

Second, I started to build rapport with the 6th graders at the school I work in.

Then I won a contest for a free trip in this pilgrimage I learned about recently but was worried I wouldn't be able to afford.

Next, I had a good night tonight. It wasn't mind-blowing or anything. Just a time of fellowship at my church, some good food, and some great company. Also I learned that my dog's recovery from ear surgery is proceeding successfully. She had to stay another night, but I'll see her tomorrow.

Everything is going well. My life isn't being changed dramatically or anything, but I find I'm satisfied with the way I feel at the end of every day. I'm accomplishing things. I'm taking charge of my life. I'm enjoying life and working with the youth of my church, as well as those at the school in which I work.

I still don't have a boyfriend, shocker. I've pretty much given up on The Marine. He's still doing the same things he's done since the last time I saw him. I think it was in October or November. It's hard for me to remember, it's been so long. I gave his Christmas present to my brother Roosevelt, threw away the card that went with it, and opened the puzzle I got for his brother. It was a really cool puzzle too. He would have liked it. But when your older brother starts blowing me off for no reason and making no attempt to see me, I can't give you your present. Oh, well.

The guy my adopted brother's cousin was trying to set me up with didn't pan out so well either. Apparently, this guy has some issues of his own he needs to work out, and Phyllis was glad she held off on introducing us. She's going to wait until his life gets more under his control, and then see where we both are relationship-wise.

I'm just so content with life right now. It's a strange feeling. I usually always have something to rant about. And I'm sure if I tried hard enough I could find something that really grinds my gears. The thing is...I don't really care. Sure, I've got some annoyances. Everyone does. Everything else in my life is going really well for once. The good outweighs the bad for the first time in a long time, and I want to bask in that feeling for as long as I can.

Welp, off to bed I go!

Ta, loves.

Decisions, Decisions

So. If any of you don't know, I am on my church session. It's the governing body of the church. We recently had a church potluck, and a bridal shower right after it. The people who set up the bridal shower were supposed to be there at 1:30 to set up. They showed up at 12:30 while the potluck was in full swing and started to take down decorations. Even though they were an hour early, we still cleaned up and got out of there by 1:30.

The next day the church office got calls about how poorly the people were treated and how we didn't keep our end of the bargain, blah blah blah. Apparently they said they would never rent our facilities again. Given how they left everything, I don't think that's a bad thing. They used our kitchenware, tea carafes, and ice bowls. When one borrows something, one usually cleans it and puts it back. Not so with this group. They just left everything out for someone else to clean it up.

When the church session had a meeting, we implemented a new policy so that this kind of thing never happens again. We also sent an apology to the people who hosted the bridal shower, returned their deposit, and informed them of the new rule we were going to implement to avoid any future problems. Sounds peachy.

Except.

These people who rented the hall? Yeah...it was my aunt and her entourage. So when she got the letter, guess what? I got a Facebook message. Not from her, oh heavens no. From my uncle.

Uh, I have a working cell phone. So does my mom, who was also there because she's on the session too. We have a landline as well. So WHY did the contact medium have to be Facebook? And from her husband, no less.

Anyway, they want to know if I was at the session meeting. I haven't answered yet, because if I do I know it will start a shit storm. Also, our pastor told us to let this go and let it die. It seems my aunt has taken offense to this, however. I'm not surprised, given how angry at me she's been for the past year or so.

My dilemma is this: do I honor my familial responsibility or my spiritual one? If I honor my promise to my pastor, it will cause discord amongst my family. If I honor my dedication to my family, I will be on the outs with my church. And if I do nothing...

Well I don't know that part. I think I'll wait until morning, when my mother is awake and we can discuss this together.

Thanks for reading my rant, readers. It really helped me sort out my mind before bed.

Night!

Spring Break!

It's Spring Break, lovelies! Well, it is for me. Some of my Iowa friends are still at school, because their Spring Break is next week.Anyway, today marks the middle of our Spring Break week, and we spent it like any other trio of siblings who are all 21 would: with board games and LOTS of booze. My brothers were so drunk; it was hilarious.

For some reason, I didn't feel like getting drunk. I drank until I was buzzed, and then I stopped. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, because Lord nows I can drink and be sloppy drunk. Tonight was just not that night for me. We started out playing Scattergories, which turned into Dirty Minds, then Jenga, and finally devolved into a singing party. I taught Roo and Dylan how to perform Cups, which they did remarkably well at considering how drunk they were. We recorded some videos, had a grand old laugh,  and wrapped the night up before the topics got too serious. Drunk people have a tendency to talk about things they wouldn't talk about sober, and this family has too many skeletons to start that trend. It's happened a few times before, and nothing good ever comes of it.

So now we're all tucked away, hydrating ourselves, and preparing for a new day. Or some shit like that. I've once again got all these thoughts spinning around in my head and need to get them out before I can sleep. There comes a time in every twenty-something's life when the way things have always been become boring and the quest begins to find something...more, I guess. One minute, you're having a blast being young and drinking like your liver will never give out. There's parties, significant others galore, and being in love with the world as an adult. Then the next phase hits you. It happens so slowly you don't notice it until, suddenly, you don't enjoy it anymore. You have to work, and pay bills, and stop drinking so much because alcohol is expensive and you can't afford to be hungover the next day in case your boss comes by and wants to talk to you about the most important thing ever. So you have to form new habits, and those new habits lead to wanting something more because your old life isn't fulfilling anymore.

That's where I find myself now. I want more out of life. I want to get a full-time job teaching, have adult friend that go out and do things or spend time at each others' houses, grow closer to God, find someone to spend my life with, and settle into being an adult. I want to make peace with my demons and help my brothers make peace with theirs. Drinking all night is no longer fun for me. I don't want to lose control, or drink my problems away.

Tonight my brother accused me of thinking him an alcoholic. In his state, there was no point to arguing with him. He was drunk rambling, and though what he said about me and our mother was hurtful, making him feel bad about it would get us nowhere but in the middle of a fight. I agree that our mother is a bit much, and she can be a bitch, but I still love her fiercely and that will never change. Nor will the urge to defend her when I feel that the shit talking ahas gone on too long or it's taken too far. We all talk bad about our parents, but if they've raised us right we still love them. So I get protective of Mom even though I talk shit about her too.

My brothers also talked to each other about how our mother favors me, which I find to be untrue. It makes me feel bad when they say things like "You're the perfect child," and "Don't hurt the delicate roses's feelings, or Mom will get mad." None of that is true. Tonight it was, "Cathryn can do all sorts of bad things, but she can never be an alcoholic. Mom would never say that about her."

I think the only reason Mom talks to me more is because I'm the only child who fits in her box of what she expected. Dylan was a late addition to the family, and Roo is a trans-gendered homosexual. Both of them are still working on degrees, and Roo doesn't want to stay in college. It's not his thing. I graduated high school, went to college, graduated, and started looking for a job. I've been working toward my dream for years, and I finally got there. That's what Mom expected from all three of us, which is bullshit. What worked for me doesn't work for Roo, and Dylan's life was derailed when his biological mother died. He's putting it back together as best he can, and doing a great job of it. Mom has to realize that her children are unique and will get to their dreams like I did, just not in the same way. Having said that, she does love us unconditionally. She's just trying to cope with being jobless. After almost 25 years of loyal service, to be fired from your job has to be awful. I'm sure she feel like she has no purpose right now, and she's trying to find the new normal for her. Just as she needs to be patient with us, we need to be patient with her.

Does any of this make sense? I've been writing in spurts because my brother has been vomiting. He had a little too much to drink and felt the repercussions. I think both of my drunk babies are sleeping now, though. It's 2:15 in the morning, so I think I might go to bed as well.

Not what you expected when you looked at the title, huh?

I hope you all have/had an absolutely amazing Spring Break, and I'll catch y'all on the flip side.

Peace out.

Lent Time!

So today, as many of you might know, is Ash Wednesday. We've had our time of frivolity and excess for the past few weeks of Mardi Gras. Now is the time to settle into our 40 days of remembrance of the Good Lord before we celebrate his glorious defeat of death at Easter.

The popular thing to do at Lent is to give something up in repentance for our unworthiness of grace because we continually turn our backs on the teachings of the Lord. I have always had a really hard time giving things up. Also there's that pesky task of choosing something. And if you successfully choose something, is it something that will be hard for me to give up or am I going without something I never do/use anyway so I can say I gave something up and make myself feel important.

A lot of people I know give up dessert or social media sites. They give up drinking caffeine or alcohol. Some of them give up their gaming consoles for the season. Other people will give up something they do maybe once or twice a month so they can say they gave something up but don't have to struggle, which is what many believe this season is about.

In the past few years, I have tried and failed to give up cursing, chocolate, and masturbation. I know, that last one threw me for a loop. It was when I was going through a rough patch of my eternal dry spell, and it was an activity I'd been engaging in on a daily basis. So I figured what the hell, I'll try it. I think I lasted a week and a half before I cracked. As you can tell, I don't have the bet willpower, and my choices were relatively insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

This year I've decided to take something on. Instead of giving something up, I am going to try to channel the essence of Jesus' works on earth and try to make people feel loved. I am going to write/call one person every day and tell them how grateful I am that they are part of my life. I'm going to help strangers, hug sad people, and try to spread the light of God's love through the world. I think that's a better use of my time than giving up chocolate.

This topic has been weighing on my mind, and I know I haven't really talked religion on here before, but I wanted to put it out there.

So there you go. If you're having trouble giving something up, maybe you should take something on instead. And if you want me to send you a card or call you, just put your info in the comment section below. I'm still waiting for that day when y'all decide you want to talk to me.

I'm not mean, promise. I don't bite...

...Hard.

Ta, babes!