Merry Christmas, Assholes!

Yep, you guessed it.

I'm drunk again. SHOCKER.

Anyway, I've been drinking this stuff all night. It's technically moonshine because it isn't sold commercially. This guy calls it Kool-Aid, and he calls himself a mixologist, whatever the hell that is.

The point is, it's delicious. And I got drunk off of it.

I haven't been this drunk since my 21st birthday.

So now I'm being strangely reflective and thinking about my year and what I wanted to do differently that I never got around to doing. Most of it is about me accepting myself as I am. I did not find a boy either, sadly.

I did start my career though. And I found myself after I lost track of what was important to me. I finally grew a pair and tried to initiate some sexy times. Those of you who know me will realize how big that is. I went through drama and came out unfazed. Most of all, I found a reason to smile every day, and I've been working on being more at peace with those around me.

When you look at it that way, I've actually done some good stuff!

Well I'm going to bed because I need to sleep this shit off.

Merry Christmas, and Goodnight!

I Hate You

I hate that we don't talk. I hate that we weren't what we were going to be. I hate the way you blow me off now just because you don't want to face this.

I hate how you make me feel insecure. I hate how much you lie to me. I hate so much about us that I can't put it into words, it feels like.

I hate how there never really was an us.

But most of all, I hate not wanting to hate you anymore.

Sick Blogging Part III

I'm not sure what I caught this time, but I'm positive I got it from one of my students. My head hurts, my throat hurts, my body hurts, and though I got a full night's sleep I feel like I need a nap.

My bet is the flu. It's been going around the school.

It's not like I have some plans that I have to bail on. Since my closest friends are in Iowa, sick as well, or off at college, I have to content myself with the not-so-good friends. One of them is still mad at me for something I didn't do, one of them is indifferent, and the third one is a mystery. He keeps ignoring my phone calls and not texting back. Once we made plans, and he just didn't answer any of my calls the next day. Or the next week.

My Thanksgiving was pretty uneventful. We ate, watched football, and built a fire. Spent a lot of time together, the usual Thanksgiving thing.

My mom is doing better after her unexpected booting from her work. I think the depression is setting in though. We're all trying to keep her happy by immersing the house in Christmas. Sometimes it seems to work. Other times she just sleeps all day.

My love life is still dead. Big shocker. BUT there is someone my brother's cousin has been trying to set me up with for years that is moving down from Dallas permanently. When he's settled, we're going to meet up and see where it goes, I think. The Marine is still keeping his distance, which is wise right now. I don't want him to get sick too. But I only just got sick, so it doesn't explain why he's kept his distance for almost two months. I've gone over it all in my mid so often that it hardly feels real anymore.   Right now I literally do not have the strength to hash it all out.

It's all SSDD, really.

Hope y'all are having a better December than I am.

Ta, loves.