So After That Disastrous Easter Weekend Conversation...

We haven't talked in 13 days. That's the longest we've ever gone not talking. So I guess that's your sign to me. You've given up on us. And that's okay.

I wasn't ready to give up. I wanted to try again. I thought all I said was doing both of us good. But I think now that the only person it did any good for was me. I was finally completely honest with myself and with you. And you couldn't deal. So you let me go.

And I don't know how to feel. I think I'm worth fighting for, bad side and all. So you giving up on me is you saying that you're not worth my time. I thought you could be, if only you'd grow up.

But you gave up on me. And that changes everything.

My Resolve Shattered

I texted him. I admit, I'm not proud of myself, but the result was interesting.

We talked a bit, he said he missed me, and then talked about how bored he was. The reaction I immediately had was to remind him that I was going to be home next weekend, but something stopped me. I spent several hours in the magical city of Des Moines, and it was only on the way how from my afternoon that I began to get mad. Who was he to tell me he was bored? Was I supposed to fix it for him? Was I supposed to feel sorry for him? Why would he tell me that if it weren't to try to manipulate me further?

So I told him to hang out with his slut if he was so bored. He'd already chosen her over me, so she could be the one to assuage his boredom. He didn't get it, naturally. I don't know why I thought he would. He said he hung out with someone else, and that he was living life. This is when I became a bitch. I asked him how that was any different from any other day of his life. Was he not living before? He said what he meant was that he was being himself, and I again posed the same question. Was he not being himself before? He said he was out of it. I said it sounded like it. He sent back "Lol," which is one of the most annoying things he does, so I said "Yeah, okay," and stopped texting back.

I'm such an idiot. I want him to understand why I'm so mad without having to tell him. I didn't want to spend the last day of my break with him and two of his new friends. I didn't know them, and I just wanted to say goodbye to him. That's all. Not say goodbye to him in front of two people I didn't know, but goodbye to him by myself so I could do it right. And I didn't get to and he doesn't see why I'm upset and why I have a right to be upset.

So I made it all worse by texting him because I'm still mad and now he's confused because he doesn't think he did anything wrong. And arguably, he didn't do anything wrong. It just felt wrong to me, and I'd hoped he'd see that I wouldn't like it. But he didn't and I expected too much and now I'm disappointed and he has no clue what's wrong with me. I probably look crazy to him. I look crazy to me,  too.