I really don't, you know. I don't know why I thought I needed to write this. I've been watching this show all day, called Revenge. Some of you may have heard of it. The basic gist is this: poor little girl is taken away from her father because his closest friends do some bad things and blame it on him. Fast forward fifteen years, and the poor little girl is back, but this time she's here to make those guilty people pay by ruining their lives. Complications ensue, and the drama ratchets out of control. At least that's where I am right now. Anyway, the point is I've been watching this show all day and it's made me think of all the things I've done in the name of revenge. How they never made me feel better, even if they wound up working. Because the funny thing about revenge is it never goes the way you plan for it to.
So I couldn't sleep and I felt like blogging. It's weird that people actually read this blog, you know. At least 10 people out there read this, and none of you have tried to contact me or write a comment. I hope none of you get on this blog and laugh at what I write. If you do, I hope I made your day better. If you don't laugh at my ramblings, maybe you could tell me why you read this blog? I'd really appreciate it.
Alright then. So I went to a bar last night. It was kind of the last straw for lots of things. I've discovered that in an effort to seem appealing to a boy, I've lost a lot of my identity. I tried to be something I wasn't, and I realized in the end that it's way too early for me to be working myself up into a lather over a dude. So I took my life back last night. Basically told everyone who thought they could interfere with my love life to fuck off, politely of course, and moved on. It's liberating, to say the least. Now I can just focus on being me. And let's be real. I think this dude's attractive as fuck, but he JUST got off active duty. If I was a newly released Marine, I'd be trying to stick my dick in any orifice I found appealing. So there's no point in trying to pursue that.
I've also been struggling with my self image. I call myself fat and, you know, I am fat. But I like the way I look. And I don't want to keep trying to fit myself into a mould I wasn't made for. I'm never going to be skinny, and that's okay. If anyone has a problem with the way I look, especially a man, they probably couldn't handle me anyway. I'm just saying. That's a new thing I've been trying to work on as well. Making myself feel good and not caring what anyone else says. Day one has gone well so far.
This is a short ass blog post. I'm sorry it's not up to my usual standards. I'm actually really fucking tired and trying to finish this up before I pass out on my keyboard. I'll blog soon, and it'll be better than this, I promise. To recap, I'd really like it if you, my readers, would comment or talk to me. It would be nice to know that at least one of you isn't a robot. Revenge is never a good idea. Not ever. I've grown a backbone and I'm going to use it.
Well I can barely keep my eyes open, so I'm off to bed. I promise I will write a better blog post later. Until then,
Bye loves!
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