But I think I'm doing it right. It's 1:15 a.m. here, but because I can't change the time zone on any of these posts you all think I blog at normal hours. But fear not; I'm a night owl.
I'm talking to the Marine right now. Well, talking is a relative term. We're texting each other. Before I get into that though, I usually blog when I have these thoughts running around in my head and I can't quiet them. It's almost always after midnight, and I'm too wired to read or watch anything. Something's usually bothering me, or I'm thinking about so many things at once I can't focus on one at a time. When it becomes too much, I pull up my trusty blog and go to work. Tonight is one of those "too many at once" nights. I think I like these nights the most because there's no telling what I'll write about. Maybe I'll talk about the Marine, or my insecurities, or maybe I'll touch on several things briefly. Whatever my mind comes up with, I suppose.
Tonight I'm thinking about the Marine. I've started all the contact so far. I usually wait two or three days in between texting sessions, then start up a random conversation and see where it leads. Sometimes we flirt, sometimes we just talk. He's never texted me first though. Which is probably a sign that we're not on the same wavelength, and he knows it. I think it's pretty obvious that I'm into him. But it's not a psycho "love me or die" kind of interest. I'm not going to alienate myself from everyone and go into a depressive funk if/when he rejects me. Sure, I might cry a little. Okay, I'll probably cry for at least five minutes. But then I'll be okay and we'll be friends. Well, I'll try to be friends. I'm not very good with that. Once I'm rejected, I tend to want to stay away from that person for as long as possible, and only interact enough to be polite when we're forced together at social functions. But I'm hoping that, because everything with the Marine has been different from any other time I've tried my hand at catching a boyfriend, this time will be different. He's a really nice person, and I want to talk to him more, even if we're not compatible.
I guess we're both up tonight, because we're texting one another. I started it, of course, but talking to him about nothing too serious or specific makes it all better. We're both writers, it turns out. But I'd NEVER let him read this blog. Dear Lord, think of what would happen. And if he got his hands on my poems? He'd never speak to me again, I'm sure of it. Too bad I didn't keep any of my short stories. I'd love to show him one or two of those. I wrote one about these high school students...it was probably one of the best things I've written. Like ever. And I think some of my rants are worth Pulitzers. But he writes Quentin Tarantino stuff, apparently. Unfortunately, asking to read someone else's writing is apparently very rude, or else I'd jump all over that.
Who am I kidding? I'm gonna ask him right now.
...
Well, we'll see what he says. That's another thing about me. I'm sure none of you are shocked to find out that I'm a very curious and nosey person. I would say it's because I love the pursuit of knowledge, but I really just want to know what everyone's hiding, be in the middle of it all. I love puzzles and mystery shows, because I can't wait to see the big picture. I want to know how it all turns out, and I want to watch it all unfold. If I was just a little more popular when I was in school, I bet I would've made a GREAT gossip.
I guess it's all for the best that I kept my nosey nature hidden until I solidified my friendships. Now I have true friends that like me because of who I am and have come to accept my curiosity with fond eye rolls and artful shut downs. Really, my friends are very good at keeping what they don't want me to know away from me. Sometimes they don't include me because they know it drives me crazy. It's really a great setup.
Anyway, about this flirting thing. I'm trying very hard to flirt with the Marine, but also trying to build a solid friendship with him. I think the friendship is taking root more than the flirting is, but there's time for that yet. My brother tells me that friendship is the best route to go. Friendship comes first, and if the chemistry is there the flirting and dating will come after. I've chosen to believe him, hence the texting every two or three days and trying to keep the conversations short and not too personal.
It seems that blogging and texting the Marine has finally turned my brain off enough for me to get sleepy. So I bid you all adieu, and I hope you like my ramblings. I sure have fun writing them.
Goodnight, sweet readers!
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