Because I Can't Sleep

I can't turn my brain off for even a minute to let it slow down.

All these thoughts are running through my head like whoa.

Both my brothers have found partners for what I hope is a long time. Good for them! They deserve to be happy.

I have successfully kicked out all influence of the Marine and the pastor's son on my life. Yay me! I deserve to be happy. And it's getting better every day.

Another person who shaped my life when I was at college is losing the battle with cancer. That six letter word. Dammit. 

Hospice has been called in. I'm not going to go see her, because though I love her, we aren't close enough for me to merit going to see her without it looking like my chance to cause a scene and cry at a tragedy that does not affect me the way it affects others. I love that woman, and she will always hold a special place in my heart, but I will do a disservice to her memory if I act like she's my surrogate mom. 

I feel for the family of this courageous woman who dared to fight that battle. She lost her husband a little over a year ago to cancer as well. She was diagnosed shortly after they buried him, and she's been fighting so hard, but it's almost time to rest now.

She will leave behind two daughters, one of whom is in her early twenties, and a son, along with a son-in-law, daughter-in-law, and grandbabies who all love her and will never forget what she's done for them, or how much she loves them.

Graceland University will be forever changed when her light leaves this world to join her husband's. The skies will be brighter, but the joy in hearts around the world will dim a little. We will lose a truly wonderful person to the vilest thing on this earth, but we will not remember it that way. Instead, we will remember the laughter in her eyes as she carried out the duties of a job she loved. We will remember her smile to everyone who needed one, open arms to those who sought a hug, and kind words to heal those with bruised hearts. We will remember her and her husband as the fire they were, bringing happiness to all around them. And I will remember her as the home I needed when mine was so far away. I will not tarnish her memory by focusing on what took her away. I choose to remember her the way she way the last time I saw her: smiling, surrounded by love, and content. I pray she is all those things now, and that she leaves her strength behind to help those who will have to cope with her sudden absence.

Katie, I want you to know that though it seemed like the littlest thing to do, welcoming me into your house when I needed a reminder of home put me through college. Your husband's knowledge and wisdom and sheer goodness helped me pursue my dream. In so many ways, your family has touched my heart and made me a better person for knowing you. I pray that you know you are loved, remembered, and never truly gone from this place and those you love, because they will keep you alive long after your body is gone. Your legacy is love. You taught it to everyone you met, and we will all carry it on for you.

With humblest thanks and endless love,

Cat