Ranted Out, My Dears

I have no rants to type up.

It's an odd feeling, not having a rant to spew forth into this great chasm of bullshit we call the internet. I mean, plenty of stuff has happened since I last ranted. I'm okay with both my siblings, which is a joy. I got a new haircut! To anyone who doesn't know me well this isn't a big deal. But I've been growing my hair out since I was 16, and as I'm currently 23, it's been a long fucking time. It's layered and everything. I completed my student teaching and am back from Iowa. Miss those little gremlins every day though. My students, that is.

My ex-crush's new girlfriend tried to fix me up with a friend of hers, and that didn't work out so well, seeing as how he stalled our little meet-and-greet when I came back to Texas long enough to find another girl worth dating. I'm not bitter though. Really. I'm glad he found a girl to be sweet on. From what I've heard about his dating experiences, he needed a win. Plus he was three years younger than me. I've never been fond of younger men, and the age difference was throwing me off a bit, if I'm being honest. We did have the same birthday though, which in any other universe would probably make us soul mates or some shit. In this universe it's just a happy coincidence.

I still haven't given up on that certain armed forces officer, though I am struggling to keep it cool and not ruin something before it has a chance to begin. His best friend is already sowing the seeds of doubt and he doesn't need any help from me. I'm trying to start out as friends. I've been told he's really shallow, but I've never read him that way. Then again, his best friend is one of the most materialistic, shallow people I've ever met and I didn't see that until it was way too late. But my fantasy soldier comes home at the beginning of April, so I'll wait and see what happens. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. Is this making sense? I hope so, really.

I'm still trying to find a job, which isn't going well. But I'm keeping my head up. I've developed a love for British acoustic artists, namely Ed Sheeran and Ben Howard. I've always loved Ed, so I don't think he can count as a new thing. But Ben definitely is. And Frank Ocean, though he's not British. Still fantastic though.

My cousin got engaged, and I felt indescribably old. As happy as I was for him, I couldn't shake off the pity party for myself. He's two years younger than me and he has his life planned out. I can't even get a guy to look at me twice, let alone stick around to get to know me. I promise, even though I'm overweight and not classically beautiful, I'm a good person. I can make awesome cookies, and you'll never find a more dedicated person than me. But I'm shaking all that off. My time will come, and it will be perfect. I hope.

I've discovered that, aside from maybe six friends in my life, I've managed to surround myself with douche bags and users. My unhappiness with my life and my unwillingness to leave the house and go out with other people can be traced back to this discovery. I'm eight kinds of done with this bullshit and ready to drop those who only measure my importance in their life by what I can do for them and how much I'll give them. I'll lose a shitload of people, but are they really worth keeping around if they don't like me for me? I'm thinking not.

Well it seems I've found several things to rant about! Perhaps insomnia isn't all bad. One final though before I leave you for the comfort of my bed. I've recently become a youth sponsor and a Sunday School teacher for junior high students. Those little buggers are slipperier than I remember being at their age. They'll try to get away with murder, or sneaking off with a girl in the middle of a worship concert. I swear, those were the most frustrating 10 minutes of my life, especially when he showed up and acted like nothing was wrong, the little asshole.

Anyway, I'm going to bed.

Ta, loves.