Since I left the blog for so long without giving you a single reason why, I have decided to rant about something that's been on my mind a lot as of late.
It's about my mother. I've typically avoided talking about her because I'm not 100% sure she doesn't know this blog exists. I wouldn't put it past her to check up on it regualrly. But I made this blog so I could rant freely, and if she wants to say something to me she can.
She's been all kinds of up my ass about finding a suitable boyfriend. It passed being creepy long ago, let me tell you. It started with a boy in high school. She became strangely attached to him. Like, I would get him his favorite cologne, but she would get him his favorite cologne too, along with six shirts from Hollister and a gift card to his favorite restaurant. She became more attached to him than I was, which was hard because I thought I was in love with him. So when things started going south between us and our friendship started to end, Mom did not do what any rational mother would do and quit talking to him. She instead blamed me for our falling out and took his side on who was to blame for our friendship ending. If anything, the blame was shared between the two of us. But she blamed me for it and we had a fight.
It got better, obviously. We got better, and she eventually saw Travis for what he was: a user and a bully. She severed all ties with him, and we promised to never let that happen again. Then I met Steven.
Now, remember that guy who I obsessed with? He was the subject of quite a few of my previous rants. That's Steven. He's my pastor's son, and I don't think I've ever seen my mother get so excited so fast. She set us up AT THE CHURCH. Within a week she was planning our wedding, and I'm not kidding. We were only together for Fall Break, and I had to go back to Iowa soon, but that didn't stop her. She kept tabs on him while I was in Iowa and reported back to me with everything she had learned. When he started dating another girl, she told me I needed to give him time, that he would come around and I just needed to be patient with him. She talked to my pastor about it and gushed about how perfect we would be together.
She still hasn't let go of that bone. When it became clear to everyone else that he was a dick, she turned a blind eye. I was oblivious to how bad he was, but she refused to see it. Even after I began to notice how awful he was to me, my mother refused to believe it. Though she acts like she doesn't like him, I know deep down in her heart that she still wishes we would get together, because the idea of being family to my pastor's family sounds like heaven. And it would be, if they had another son. But they don't, and the one they have is a giant tool and therefore not a candidate.
I'm pretty sure it's my fault. Mothers shouldn't be this invested in their daughters' love lives. I get wanting to be involved and kept up-to-date, but I never asked her to try her hand at matchmaking. I never told her to stop, but I never asked her to step into my life and try to run it. I don't know how to fix it.
I think that's all I can talk about right now. I'm still processing it, to be honest. I'll probably write more about it, but tonight I'm putting this subject aside.
Talk to y'all later, loves.
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