Why Am I Such An Idiot?

If I complain and complain about something and insist that I'm not friends with these people anymore, but when I'm left out of plans I get my feelings hurt, and when I ask them about said plans and they lie to me I get my feelings hurt even more.

And then I get mad. That seems be my default mood recently. I do NOT have time to deal with this crap right now. I've got training for the next three weeks, a wedding to go to in July, and more training in August. It's going to be a very busy summer, and I don't want assholes who are fake to me to ruin it.

I wish they would be up front with me about it all. Being treated like a friend in public but excluded from all plans that don't involve my pool makes me feel worse than if they had just told me they didn't want to be friends anymore. And I don't think they're doing it maliciously, but I'm not important enough to them for them to invite me places. They'll invite my brother, sure. But me? Not so much.

I'm angry at myself for letting them upset me like this. I wasted my time angry at them, when I should have been swimming without them, taking tons of pictures and not giving a flying shit about anything they wanted to do today. Some backstory for you: These two fuckers wanted to come over and swim today, which my brother and I were down for. Then Roosevelt (my brother) mentioned in passing a party that the fuckers invited him to at the Marine's house. They did not invite me, I'm assuming at the Marine's request, and it upset me. When I asked one of the fuckers about said party, he lied right to my face. Well, my phone, cause we were texting. After I flipped out, I uninvited the fuckers, went to get ice cream, cleaned my room, and went swimming anyway. There was a healthy dose of crying in the mix because, you know, hurt feelings.

I'm sure they're all having fun at the party. I enjoyed my day of swimming, reading, and movies more than I probably would have hanging out with the fuckers and getting ready for a party I wouldn't really want to go to anyway. Beer and washers isn't my thing. I'm all curled up in my freshly laundered sheets, watching a favorite movie of mine. I know it's unrealistic, but why aren't more men like Edward Cullen? Aside from the vampire thing, of course. A guy who's completely devoted to you, loves you more than reason allows, and wants to protect you at any cost? Not a bad deal in my opinion.

I wouldn't be like Bella, but I'd like an Edward in my life. I'm afraid all the men in my life are turning into assholes. Time for some new faces.

I'm off to bed. I have a big day tomorrow, after all!