Where you're the one on the outside? Because lately I've been thinking I'm actually the one on the outside looking in.
Not with my family and friends in Iowa, but with one particular person in Texas. I don't think things are fine between us, and there is no way to fix it from up here. Despite our previous conversations, I feel that I'm slowly being pushed away. I'm suddenly outside the circle of trust, and I don't know how I got there.
Strangely, I'm mad. I would have thought I'd be crying and carrying on, becoming depressed and not eating. But instead I have this deep well of hatred bubbling to the surface. It's showing in my attempts at interacting with others. I've been edgy all day and taken my anger out on friends. My humor is a little too cutting today, and I've sequestered myself in my room to keep that away from everyone up here.
I'm going to write a letter to him and fill it with every hateful thing I can think of, then never send it. It sounds like the perfect solution to my problem right now. Because the only person I want to yell at is him, and he won't pick up his stupid phone long enough for me to get a good insult out. So letter form is the best option right now.
I'm going to do my homework now. After I write the letter.
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